<aside> 💡 This part will help you to know yourself.
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Liking yourself all the time is an unrealistic goal, but social media often makes us feel “living our best lives” is very easy. It seems like everybody likes themselves all the time.
The fact is, just like our heartbeats, the way we see ourselves also fluctuates. It is completely normal to not like yourself all the time.
We all have a relationship with ourselves, just as we have relationships with the other people around us. We all tend to think of ourselves in a certain way, and might have certain patterns of behaviour when it comes to ‘interacting’ with ourselves.
When someone says they ‘don’t like’ themselves, what they’re often describing is having a poor relationship with themselves - that they’ve come to think of themselves in negative terms or regard themselves as not having much worth.
However, just like our relationships with other people, it’s important to be able to look after our relationship with self and make sure that we’re able to deal with negative thoughts and emotions so they don’t build up over time.
One way is by the agency of ‘scripts’ that we learn through our relationships with others. A script is a pattern of thinking - a role we tend to cast ourselves in that can become ingrained over time. We’re not always aware of the scripts we ‘play out’ in relationships.
When we’re young, we tend to learn scripts from the people looking after us. For instance, a child who didn’t receive much support from their parents when they were little - who was never comforted when they hurt themselves, or ignored when they were upset - might learn to regard themselves as undeserving of support.
Our experiences later in life can also define these scripts. For instance, someone who always found themselves in the role of ‘peacekeeper’ in a relationship might take that forward into other relationships later on. Or someone who was cheated on might struggle to trust future partners.
Our relationship with ourselves can also be affected by how satisfied we feel with our place in the world. If we feel things aren’t going well - perhaps if we feel we haven’t enjoyed the professional success we’ve always wanted, or don’t feel respected by our friends or colleagues - we may end up blaming ourselves, deciding that there must be something wrong with us for things to be this way.
Social influences can also have a powerful part to play. Again, this relates to this idea of ‘comparing’ ourselves to what might be. The media can depict an unhealthy idea of the ‘perfect’ life - successful, fun, packed full of adventure - and it can be very discouraging if you feel that your own falls short.
<aside> 💡 Here’s a task for you!
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How do I see myself